Help Your Child Move Home

I remember when the letter came that wasto change our lives – we were moving to Jordan in time for the start of the next school term.

When we shared our news with our son, then aged seven, his tearful reaction startled me. “No, I don’t want to go! I don’t want to leave my friends!” I had grown up in a family which, driven by an adventurous mother, had moved a number of times and now, as an adult, I saw only excitement in moving to a new place.

Whether your move takes you into a new culture or to a new part of the country, moving home can have a major impact on your child. For parents, moving home is considered to be one of the most traumatic of life’s events.  In the midst of our adult concerns the child’s needs can be overlooked but if we can help them deal with such a big upheaval in their lives the experience will be a beneficial one for them in the long term.

Children who move from one country and culture to another develop strong cross-cultural skills. They see children from other cultures as classmates and friends, regardless of skin colour or beliefs, and learn to observe, accept and respect these differences as part of everyday life. They become tolerant of others and understand that our way of doing things is not the only way. And if your move is within your home country, learning about a new environment where perhaps people speak with a different accent and things are done slightly differently brings similar benefits. The ability to live and work in a range of environments is a skill your child will value as he grows into our rapidly shrinking world.

Be aware that one of the biggest challenges facing a child in moving home is dealing with a sense of loss. Adults tend to be preoccupied with their own concerns in preparation for moving and it is all too easy to forget that children will be leaving friends, grandparents perhaps, a well-loved school and places where they have spent happy times. A child may not be able to articulate this sense of loss and unless it is recognised and managed, he may find settling in to the new home very difficult.
Take time to talk with your children about your move and prepare them for it. If your new home is not too far away, take your children to see it and show them their new bedrooms. If your move is an international one and you are going on a preliminary visit without your children, take photographs of their new school, a typical street scene or something else which will interest them to reassure them that although there will be differences, there will also be some similarities with their present life. Take time to answer their concerns.

Build some continuity into your child’s discontinuous life. If you can, move with some of your family furniture. Eleven year old Lucy, who had moved a number of times, told me: “As soon as dad hangs one of our own pictures on the wall I feel like I’m home again.”

Talk to your child’s teacher so that she understands any changes your child may exhibit at school and can respond appropriately. It is not unusual for a child who is leaving to argue with a close friend in the mistaken belief that it is easier to leave someone you are angry with. Recognise this possibility, and the fact that a child may opt out of schoolwork when they know they are leaving, thinking that making progress here no longer matters. Help your child to resolve friendship problems and arrange a special goodbye party, however small, to mark the occasion.

Help your child say goodbye properly. Encourage him to make a small memory book with photos of favourite people and places, and be sure to say goodbye to them all; going to the park to say goodbye may seem strange, but it is an important rite of passage. At our children’s school, those who were leaving were encouraged to bring in a T-shirt and ask all their friends and teachers to sign it. Those T-shirts became valued possessions. The better your children say goodbye, the more likely they are to settle quickly into their new home.

Above all, give your children a core set of beliefs and values within which they can operate wherever they may find themselves. This will give them stability in a lifestyle full of challenge and new possibilities.Help Your Child Move Home

At best, moving home is a busy and exciting time for an adult but for children it can be a devastating experience, particularly if they are leaving behind friends and places that have played an important part in their young lives. Jane Adams explains how to make a move easier on your children.

I remember when the letter came that was to change our lives – we were moving to Jordan in time for the start of the next school term.

When we shared our news with our son, then aged seven, his tearful reaction startled me. “No, I don’t want to go! I don’t want to leave my friends!” I had grown up in a family which, driven by an adventurous mother, had moved a number of times and now, as an adult, I saw only excitement in moving to a new place.

Whether your move takes you into a new culture or to a new part of the country, moving home can have a major impact on your child. For parents, moving home is considered to be one of the most traumatic of life’s events.  In the midst of our adult concerns the child’s needs can be overlooked but if we can help them deal with such a big upheaval in their lives the experience will be a beneficial one for them in the long term.

Children who move from one country and culture to another develop strong cross-cultural skills. They see children from other cultures as classmates and friends, regardless of skin colour or beliefs, and learn to observe, accept and respect these differences as part of everyday life. They become tolerant of others and understand that our way of doing things is not the only way. And if your move is within your home country, learning about a new environment where perhaps people speak with a different accent and things are done slightly differently brings similar benefits. The ability to live and work in a range of environments is a skill your child will value as he grows into our rapidly shrinking world.

Be aware that one of the biggest challenges facing a child in moving home is dealing with a sense of loss. Adults tend to be preoccupied with their own concerns in preparation for moving and it is all too easy to forget that children will be leaving friends, grandparents perhaps, a well-loved school and places where they have spent happy times. A child may not be able to articulate this sense of loss and unless it is recognised and managed, he may find settling in to the new home very difficult.

Take time to talk with your children about your move and prepare them for it. If your new home is not too far away, take your children to see it and show them their new bedrooms. If your move is an international one and you are going on a preliminary visit without your children, take photographs of their new school, a typical street scene or something else which will interest them to reassure them that although there will be differences, there will also be some similarities with their present life. Take time to answer their concerns.

Build some continuity into your child’s discontinuous life. If you can, move with some of your family furniture. Eleven year old Lucy, who had moved a number of times, told me: “As soon as dad hangs one of our own pictures on the wall I feel like I’m home again.”

Talk to your child’s teacher so that she understands any changes your child may exhibit at school and can respond appropriately. It is not unusual for a child who is leaving to argue with a close friend in the mistaken belief that it is easier to leave someone you are angry with. Recognise this possibility, and the fact that a child may opt out of schoolwork when they know they are leaving, thinking that making progress here no longer matters. Help your child to resolve friendship problems and arrange a special goodbye party, however small, to mark the occasion.

Help your child say goodbye properly. Encourage him to make a small memory book with photos of favourite people and places, and be sure to say goodbye to them all; going to the park to say goodbye may seem strange, but it is an important rite of passage. At our children’s school, those who were leaving were encouraged to bring in a T-shirt and ask all their friends and teachers to sign it. Those T-shirts became valued possessions. The better your children say goodbye, the more likely they are to settle quickly into their new home.

Above all, give your children a core set of beliefs and values within which they can operate wherever they may find themselves. This will give them stability in a lifestyle full of challenge and new possibilities.