If your teenage daughter tells you that she is pregnant, your first reaction may be shock or anger, probably both. But the most important thing, says Rosemary Spillman, spokeswoman for Essex-based charity Parentline Plus, is to stay calm.

Try not to respond angrily or in haste, even though you may well be feeling upset. Take some time to think about how you feel. Talk to someone and get some support for yourself. Your daughter is also likely to be experiencing a range of emotions, including confusion, fear and shock.

Once you are all over the shock, your daughter will need all the support you can give her. Try to listen to your daughter and let her know that you will be there to support her in whatever she decides to do. You can help her by giving her information and discussing her options, but ultimately, she needs to make a decision that feels right for her.

Your daughter should see a doctor or nurse at the GP practice, family planning or young people’s sexual health clinic to confirm the pregnancy. Some services, such as Brook, have counsellors who will be able to talk to her on her own, explore with her how she feels about her pregnancy and give her impartial information on the options available.

If she is considering a termination the doctor will be able to give her a referral and explain the procedure. If she is thinking about continuing with her pregnancy, the GP will also have information about the special services available for teenage mothers, including details about adoption services.

The local education authority will have information about ways in which your daughter could continue her education and they should know about other sources of support for teenage parents.

If it is your son’s girlfriend that is pregnant, he too might have strong feelings about the pregnancy. Help him by listening and encourage him to talk to his girlfriend. Whatever her decision, he may feel better able to support her if he’s had a chance to express his views. It is also a good idea to make contact with the girl’s parents, so that your son knows you are there to support them.

Your daughter may have already chosen to speak to a health professional on her own or might choose to do so in the future. Health professionals are obliged to keep conversations confidential unless they feel that their client is at risk of abuse and that information about them needs to be shared in order to protect them.

Under 16s have the same rights as everyone else to confidential advice. A young woman can be prescribed treatment and be referred for an abortion without the involvement of a parent or carer. However, when a young woman is pregnant, health professionals will encourage her to involve her parents because most parents are a great source of support.

Parentline Plus 24-hour free, confidential Parentline 0808 800 2222, email parentsupport@parentlineplus.org.uk, website www.parentlineplus.org.uk. To find out more about the free services available from the Parentline Plus Essex office, including free parenting groups, telephone 01702 554 782.

Useful contacts:

Family Planning Association
Information and advice on all aspects of sexual health.
Tel: 0845 310 1334
www.fpa.org.uk

Brook
Information, advice and guidance for young people under 25 on sex, relationships and contraception.
Tel: 0800 018 5023
www.brook.org.uk

BPAS
Offers information and counselling for those considering abortion. It provides abortions for NHS and private patients.

Education for Choice
Information about pregnancy and abortion, section for parents and on-line decision-making tool to help clarify thoughts and feelings about an unintended pregnancy.