Grandparents

March 9, 2010 by Mumstop
Filed under Featured, Mumstop Blog

BG is really lucky to have two sets of Grandparents that love her very, very much and though sometimes that can be a bit overwhelming it’s a good thing. She can be spoilt at times by them, but with clothes and books rather than toys or sweet treats.

You see BG’s Grandparents realise that they way to her heart is not through material things but to spend time with her!

My Other Half’s parents live quite close, so they see her quite regularly and with often have her for the day or the night (if we’re really lucky). They had her to stay this weekend as me and OH had a rare night out, they took her to the garden centre and then they spent Saturday in the greenhouse planting carrots and potatoes, it does help that Granddad is a potato farmer. BG had a whale of a time. Her nana can’t wait to start teaching her how to bake and cook and I can’t either. It’s those times that she will look back on remember fondly (I hope).

My dad lives further away but he tries to visit once a month and again he loves to just spend time with her reading and playing. Now my dad really isn’t into gardening or cooking, but when we were younger he took me and my sister to concerts, art galleries, plays and museums and he can’t wait to do that with BG and fill her head full of knowledge and share his passions with her.

As I said BG is a very lucky girl, she gets the best of both worlds with her Grandparents and I’m grateful for that, I think they are very important part of her life. Mine were to me and still are.

What are your children’s relationships like with their Grandparents?

New Mummy
New Mummy’s Tips

Tags: Family, Grandparents

How much TV is too much?

February 23, 2010 by Mumstop
Filed under Mumstop Blog

7 Comments

I want honest answers now, how much TV do your kids watch?

When BG was born, I vowed to not let her watch TV at all but somehow and I’m not sure how she does watch it.

It’s not on all day and I worked it out she watched about 2 hours a day and I’m worried that’s too much at 15 months. She has her favourite TV shows on Disney and gets really excited when they come on.

To be honest it tends to go on when I’m trying to do something like the housework or getting food ready, the rest of the times its off and we have music on and play or read books. I don’t really watch day time TV as it drives me insane, but will catch up on Sky + while she’s napping.

So back to my original question, how much TV do your kids watch?

How much is too much? Am I letting BG watch too much TV?

Carol x

New Mummy
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Tags: Children, Children and TV, Children TV, Family, Kids & TV, Television, TV

Real Life Making a Difference

August 10, 2009 by Mumstop
Filed under Lifestyle

6 Comments

There is currently a shortage of foster carers in the UK and there are many misconceptions and outdated beliefs surrounding this important role. Fostering in today’s society is about combining family life with a skilled profession and good foster carers can help to turn around a child’s life. Alex Taylor took time out of his busy schedule to talk to Step Ahead about his family’s experience of fostering.

My wife and I had just been approved as short-term/emergency foster carers for newborn to seven year old children, so it was inevitable that our first placement would be a 12 year old boy who was in trouble with the police.
We had been respite foster carers for about 15 years, looking after children with special needs. In addition, we were asked to care for a disabled child as a long-term placement, and after living with us for about six years he was going off to study ICT at a residential college. This seemed like a good time for a fresh challenge, especially as our own three boys were now old enough to no longer be so reliant upon us. So we decided to move into general fostering, specifically short-term/emergency placements, as this was where there was a shortage of carers.
We knew this would be very different from providing respite care because, as the name suggests, we could be called upon at anytime day or night with little or no notice, to provide care for children who have been removed from their home for their own protection, or have been referred to social services because their family either cannot cope or just do not want them anymore.

The children we would now be taking in would potentially have less obvious problems compared to our respite children, as their problems would be more emotional. And unlike our respite children who, on the whole, have caring dedicated parents, who just need an occasional break from the demands put upon them by the needs of their child; they would have dysfunctional parents who have let them down badly either through neglect, abuse or both.

With respite care, the child, parents and social worker would meet up with us to ensure that all parties are happy with the arrangement before the placement would begin. With emergency placements we could get a phone call from a social worker at 10′clock at night asking if we would be prepared to take on a seven year old girl and her five year old sister.

And then, 20 minutes later, have two very frightened little children sitting on our sofa dressed only in their coats and night clothes, crying their eyes out whilst clinging on to their teddies and to each other. This actually happened and was an experience that we will never forget.

But this story is not about the girls, it is about a 12 year old boy called Luke* who I have chosen to write about not just because he was our first placement, but also during a time when social services are constantly under scrutiny, it is only fair to tell you about a success story as social workers on the whole do a good job in very difficult circumstances.

(In case you were wondering about what happened to the two little girls, their story also has a happy ending. They stayed with us for about six months whilst social services helped their mum put her life back together. About nine months after they went home, we just happened to meet them and their mum, in a local park. It was heart warming to see how well and happy they all looked and how pleased the girls were to see us again.)

I cannot go into the details of why Luke was placed into care as this would be unfair on him and is strictly confidential, but he was a child with problems. He could not control his anger, thus was always getting into fights at school and he had little respect for authority. He arrived on our doorstep dressed in worn out clothes which were much too small for him and holding a dustbin bag with a few extra clothes that even the most desperate charity shop would have turned up their nose at.

As our spare room was being used by one of our respite children at the time, we billeted him into one of our sons’ rooms, and he made himself at home immediately with a self-assuredness which surprised us. We often have to ask one of our sons to give up their bedroom and move in with a sibling so that we can use it to house a foster child or two, and they do so without complaint.

They are very good at making any new arrival feel at home, and they are especially helpful with caring for the younger and the less able children that enter our lives. I really cannot express how much we appreciate this help and how proud we are of our boys.

As social services looked into his home life, a picture of neglect and abuse began to emerge. We also soon saw that his cockiness and bravado which he showed was more a front than his true nature. Never was this made clearer to us than when my wife had to accompany him to a police station to be interviewed, as this cocksure lad quickly changed into a quiet, shy, fearful child.

It did not take long for us to gain his trust and respect. And once we had this, he began to open up to us. When we talked to him about his anger and the fights he would get into, it became clear that he was a bit of an outcast at school. Most of the trouble he got into was due to the other kids provoking him. So we bought him new clothes and school uniform, and encouraged him to keep himself clean and to take pride in himself and his appearance.

My wife attended meetings with social services and the school to discuss the bullying he was suffering and his attitude towards the teachers and his fellow students. We encouraged him to take part in extracurricular activities, and we attended all that Luke was involved with. This pleased him greatly.

Luke was getting counseling at school to help him control his temper. I thought it would help to take him to the martial arts club where I train, as this would teach him self-control, self-discipline and self-respect, but most importantly respect for others. Luke also took part in training sessions with my son’s football team. None of the boys knew his background and made him very welcome, and in return he responded positively and his behaviour was exemplary.

: Image via Wikipedia

With all this help and a safe and happy environment in which to live, Luke changed rapidly into a very intelligent and highly motivated young man, whose energy and drive amazed us. To find an outlet for this, we encouraged his passion for computers and cooking. He spent many a happy hour trying to fix a minor problem I had with my computer (it cost me about £150 to get the computer sorted out afterwards, but I do not mind as he genuinely was trying his best to give something back to us).

But where he really excelled was in the kitchen. Soon he was making dinner for us at least a couple of times a week, and making cakes, pies and tarts for dessert nearly every night. Luke was an exceptional cook and, as I told him, with his drive, determination and talent, he could go on to make a real success of his life if he so wished.

In fact his boundless energy kept me very busy indeed as every evening he would beg to be taken to the park to play football, cricket, tennis etc. Luke would even come with me when I went running, he used peddle power though and he would be constantly cajoling me to run ever faster. I have never had such a hard, unforgiving coach.

After about ten months, social services found a relative who agreed to take Luke in. So we packed his bags and said our goodbyes and moved on to our next placement. It is after all what we do. Some months later, my wife answered a knock at the door and there was Luke, looking very smart, clean and very happy. He had come round to thank us for looking after him.

I will always remember that moment because it was then it dawned on me that we had really helped in changing the life of another human being for the better. Obviously Luke’s social worker and his school had more to do with this than we did, but I like to think that by helping to give him some self-respect, encouraging his passions and showing him what family life should be like, that this helped in some small way.

As a postscript to this story, I would like to mention that I happened to meet, by chance, one of Luke’s teachers recently. I learnt that Luke has not required any counselling for some time, he has also been moved into the high achievers group and is now a very popular student with his peers. I would also like to ask you to remember this story the next time you read an article in the press about how social services failed in their protection of a child.

Though this should never be allowed to happen, there are many more times when social workers do get it right, but these stories rarely ever get reported.

To find our more about becoming a foster carer call 0800 040 7675 or visit www.couldyoufoster.org.uk.

*Names and other details have been changed in order to protect the identity of the boy concerned.